Conscious Conflict: Falling to the Level of Our Training
As some of you know, I've recently expanded my practice to include coaching services, particularly in the realm of relationships and communication (more on this below!) And, similar to my yoga and training clients, most folks seek me out as a coach when they are experiencing some kind of discomfort or outright pain.
In the physical body, that pain is often the result of both imbalance and lack of awareness. In an interesting way, discomfort and pain in relationships tend to stem from similar things.
In looking at my own relationship experience and that of friends, family and clients, I notice that the place that seems to highlight our imbalances and lack of awareness most is in the realm of conflict. We all have different conflict styles, some admittedly more productive and healthy than others. But for all of us, I think so much of our experience is mirrored in the truth of this quote from Bruce Lee:
"Under duress, we do not rise to the level of our expectations, but fall to the level of our training."
Most of us have had very little conscious training in approaching conflict with people we're close to. We mostly just fall to our unconscious training from childhood, which is rarely sufficient for creating an environment of real trust and security. And it's not really our fault--when you look out into the broader culture, it's not a great picture. Codependency, jealousy and control: celebrated! Manipulation, passive-aggression, or outright avoidance of conflict: normalized! Honest, direct, yet compassionate communication tools: nowhere to be found!!
I wish this were as simple an issue to address as, say, tight hamstrings are. But WOW it isn't. Relationships and communication are yoga on hard mode, y'all. Learning new approaches often means giving up our hardest-won safety mechanisms. It's scary. It feels defeating sometimes. It's harder than 50 handstands in a row. But the healing and trust that can come from a conscious relationship practice? That's been the best form of savasana in my life.
Being in the middle of life is weird and scary sometimes. Nothing seems to turn out the way you expect, and it's easy to feel like you don't get much choice in that. But one thing I do know: the things we practice over and over become who we are. And we do get to choose what we practice.
SO, the "more information" I'd mentioned: I am currently taking on clients for pro-bono coaching relationship and communication coaching sessions. Though there's no monetary exchange, it's a great deal: you get a non-judgemental, friendly place to talk about the things that challenge you, as well as a fresh perspective and accountability for any changes you wish to make. In turn, I get practice in coaching and understanding the needs of the communities I wish to serve. Wanna learn more? Simply respond to this email, and we can set up a call to see whether coaching could be useful to you.
Wishing you all a peaceful April!
Erin H.